


Please Just Don't Hate Me

by Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Smut, but main is nyongtory, side TopRi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2018-11-08 18:06:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11087082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop/pseuds/Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop
Summary: Jiyong will never deserve Seungri.





	1. Jiyong

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first kpop fanfiction! I hope you like it! It's only gonna be a couple of chapters total. Also, just so you know, I haven't watched the Bigbang documentary so I don't really know much about pre-debut Bigbang so I kinda just made stuff up... Anyways... Enjoy!

 

Jiyong was never sure when exactly it happened. When his relationship with the maknae changed from loathing to… whatever this was. Maybe whoever said there’s a fine line between love and hate really was onto something. He supposed it probably started with that stupid drama. 

In all honesty, in the beginning, he hadn’t even noticed that he wasn’t the only one watching it. He was so absorbed in Chae-kyeong that he probably wouldn’t have even noticed if the dorm burned to the ground around him. Seungri, mistaking the leader’s silence for acceptance, got braver and braver each week. The first time they watched it, Seungri was too nervous to even sit in the room with Jiyong, instead craning his neck to see the television from the next room over. After two weeks, however, he worked up the courage to drag a chair into the room behind the sofa. And before Jiyong knew it, the two of them were seated awkwardly beside each other on the couch twice a week. 

But still, Jiyong refused to give in and accept the kid. He didn’t know what had possessed Yang to throw him into this group of idiotic idols instead of the hardcore hip-hop group he had been training for, and although he wasn’t going to complain (too much), he wasn’t going to like it either. At least he was doing it with Seunghyun and Youngbae, and although he wasn’t very close with Daesung, he couldn’t help but like the quiet, earnest kid.

And then there was Seungri. Seungri was everything that Jiyong hated about celebrities. Sure, he was talented, but he knew it. He was so agonizingly arrogant Jiyong could barely stomach it. He was constantly flirting with other rookies and even established girl-group idols. He never seemed to take anything seriously. Maybe he was idol material, but he certainly wasn’t  _ Jiyong _ idol material. He may not have wanted this group, but he’d be damned if he didn’t make it the best boy band Korea had seen. And he knew there was no way Seungri would ever be capable of his expectations. Fortunately, he knew that the CEO would eventually tire of the kid, so he would only need to deal with him for a year or so at most.

He should have known that nothing ever went the way he wanted it to.

 

**********

 

It was a Wednesday when everything changed. Jiyong couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten, let alone slept, and to say he was on edge would be the understatement of the century. All of them were stressed and working practically nonstop since YG had told them that he wanted them to debut in August, but as the leader, the pressure on Jiyong was amplified tenfold. He’d been preparing for this for what felt like his whole life, but still, it was highly likely that they would be a flop. He could not let his first public appearance also be his last. 

“Again!” the dance instructor barked for what felt like the fiftieth time that day. The music restarted and the five boys, sweating and panting heavily, quickly moved into the starting formation. 

“Stop!” he bellowed only moments later, throwing his hands up in defeat. “This is hopeless. I’m leaving. I’ll be back on Friday and if it isn’t  _ absolutely perfect _ by then you all may as well kiss your idol dreams goodbye!” He stalked out of the room. Seunghyun groaned dramatically and plopped himself down onto the floor. Youngbae gave him a sympathetic look before turning to get some water, Daesung and Seungri on his heels. Jiyong made his way over to his childhood friend, sitting beside him and laying his head on his shoulder.

“This dream of ours is hopeless, isn’t it, hyung?”

“For some of us, maybe,” Seunghyun admitted. “But not for you. If YG walked in right now and ended everything, if he came in here and deleted Bigbang before it could even debut, there would still be a place in this industry for G-Dragon.

“Hyuuuuunnggg,” Jiyong whined, embarressed by his friend’s compliments. 

“You asked,” Seunghyun said.

Jiyong rolled his eyes before sitting up again. “You know, I really do think we could do it. Make Bigbang happen. That is, if it wasn’t for-”

“I know, I can’t dance,” Seunghyun sighed. “Maybe I should quit now and give you all a better shot.”

“What? No, not that!” Jiyong cried. “Dancing, we can fix. But personality, that’s another story.”

Seunghyun frowned. “Ji, he’s really not as bad as you seem to think. You could at least try to give him a chance.

“Like hell I will!” he replied, standing up to pace angrily. “Why the fuck should I?! YG clearly made a mistake. He doesn’t fit in here. He doesn’t fit in with Bigbang! He’s arrogant and petty and-”

“And he respects you more than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“So fucking what?! It’s pathetic, don’t you think?  _ He’s _ pathetic. Hasn’t he realized yet that I’m never going to want him here? He doesn’t even add anything to the group! Daesung can sing. Youngbae can dance. You can rap. What the fuck else is he good for? Why doesn’t he just fucking quit already!”

Seunghyun cleared his throat awkwardly. Jiyong turned slowly to see what he was looking at. Seungri stood frozen in the doorway, holding three cold bottles of water. He and Jiyong stared at each other for a long, awkward moment before Seungri lowered his eyes uncomfortably.

“I thought you might be tired so I brought these,” he muttered, dropping the two water bottles on the ground before turning and walking out of the room again. 

After the door was shut again, Seunghyun slowly rose to his feet and picked up the bottles, tossing one to Jiyong who caught it blankly, still staring at the spot Seungri had been standing in.

“You need to apologize,” Seunghyun said simply, breaking Jiyong out of his trance. Jiyong spun around to face his friend, but the fire had left his eyes.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” he muttered uncomfortably. “He’s known from the beginning that I don’t like him.”

Seunghyun only  sighed, shaking his head before heading outside to follow Seungri.

“It’s fine,” Jiyong said to himself again. “It’s good he heard. Maybe now he’ll finally leave me alone. That’s all I want anyway.” But suddenly, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

 

**********

 

One of the best parts about being YG’s favorite was that Jiyong knew enough people throughout the office that if he really needed to, he could usually get a ride back to the dorms. Their manager was supposed to come pick them up in just a few hours, but he really didn’t think he could handle anything more today. He just wanted to go home.

As soon as he was back in the dorms, Jiyong promptly changed into his house clothes and grabbed his notebook and headphones. Whenever he was upset, lyrics came pouring into him, and this time was certainly no exception. He didn’t even notice how much time has passed until the front door swung open, startling him, and Youngbae and Daesung sauntered into the dorm. Neither questioned why Jiyong had been gone; their leader had a tendency to break apart from the rest of the group to work on other things. Daesung bowed politely before retreating into his bedroom. Youngbae, however, slipped off his shoes before padding over to the small sofa to join Jiyong. 

“Write anything good?” he asked, leaning over to glance through Jiyong’s notebook.

“It’s all crap,” Jiyong huffed angrily, throwing the notebook aside. Youngbae rubbed his back soothingly.

“Seunghyun hyung told me you were having a bad day.”

Jiyong nodded darkly. “Where is he anyways?”

“He and little Seunghyun decided to go out”

Jiyong frowned. “Since when are those two pals?”

“They’ve always had good chemistry,” Youngbae said. “You know, maybe if you took the time to actually interact with him--”

“Oh don’t you start too,” Jiyong groaned.

“Ji, I know you’re stubborn but Seungri really is a good guy! A little rambunctious, sure, but we  _ need _ someone with that kind of energy if Big Bang is going to succeed.”

“We have all the energy we need!” Jiyong shot back. “He’s just an obnoxious brat who’ll keep getting in the way!”

Youngbae sighed. “I really hope you’ll reconsider. Just this once, I hope you’ll let go of your pride.”

Jiyong whipped his head around to stare at Youngbae, ready to give him a piece of his mind, but Youngbae was already standing, walking into his and Daesung’s shared bedroom.

 

**********

 

By 9:30, the Seunghyun’s still hadn’t returned. Normally, Jiyong wouldn’t have paid any mind to it, but  _ Princess Hours _ would be on in less than half an hour, and this episode was supposed to be insane. At 9:50, he shrugged slightly, setting up the tv and taking advantage of Seungri’s absence by spreading out across the couch.

Twenty minutes into the new episode, Jiyong was already in tears, frantically wiping his eyes so he didn’t miss anything. He turned to see if Seungri was as upset as he was, only to remember that the younger teen wasn’t there.

 

**********

 

One of the worst parts about being YG’s favorite was that Jiyong was the only one he had trusted to keep an eye on the maknae. TOP hyung was the oldest, so he got a room to himself, and Youngbae and Daesung were basically like roommates. Jiyong was the only one who was stuck as a babysitter. So a two in the morning, when Seungri clumsily plodded into their shared bedroom, Jiyong, being the light sleeper that he was, awoke with a start. He watched angrily as Seungri, who still hadn’t noticed that Jiyong was awake, changed into his pajamas and stepped into the bathroom. When he returned, Jiyong was sitting up waiting for him.

“Where exactly do you think you were all evening?”

Seungri squealed in surprise as Jiyong’s sharp voice pierced through the silence of the dorm. His eyes turned cold as his gaze met Jiyong’s.

“I was out with Seunghyun hyung,” he said dismissively, walking past Jiyong to his own side of the bed.

Jiyong frowned, again wondering why his friend and the maknae seemed to be spending so much time together. “Well,” he said, “you do know that just because we won’t have a teacher tomorrow doesn’t mean we’ll be sleeping in, right?

“Yes, I know,” Seungri snapped.

“I know,  _ hyung _ ,” Jiyong corrected. Seungri was suddenly on his feet.

“I’ll sleep with Seunghyun hyung tonight.”

“Fine,” Jiyong spat. “Everyone already knows you’re his bitch anyways.” As soon as the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back. Even in the darkness of the bedroom Jiyong could see the tears welling in Seungri’s eyes before the younger boy hurriedly turned on his heels and sped away to Seunghyun’s room.

He may not have liked the kid, but even Jiyong had to admit that he may have taken it too far this time.

 

**********

 

All night, Jiyong’s dreams were plagued by unnatural images of Seungri. The maknae was supposed to be stupidly brash and unbreakably confident. But the Seungri in his dreams was the exact opposite. This Seungri was shaking violently as he pitifully tried to suppress tears. Seungri was supposed to fill a room with his presence the second he opened his mouth. He wasn’t supposed to curl in on himself and shrink into corners. Jiyong awoke more tired than he had been when he went to bed.


	2. Seungri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was turning into a bit of a behemoth so I decided to split it into two parts. This one's a it shorter but I have most of the next chapter written already so you can expect another update pretty soon.

Lee Seunghyun knew he wasn’t idol material. He had a decent enough voice and a pretty enough face, but even that was just the bare minimum. He had always been confident in his dancing but after just one day at YG Entertainment he realized that even that wasn’t all that impressive in the grand scheme of things. Everyone who was anyone here seemed to be just as skilled at Seungri and then some, whether they were idols, rookies, or even just trainee. But at least to Seungri, one person was light-years ahead of the others.

 

“Jiyong hyung,” Seungri greeted, bowing deeply and trying to hide his nerves by smiling cutely. “My name is Lee Seunghyun and it looks like I’ve been chosen to be your maknae!”

Seungri held his breath excitedly, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he anticipated Jiyong’s response. He could still barely believe that he had made it this far. He might be the youngest of the group, but he was still here as Jiyong’s  _ coworker _ , his  _ peer _ even. He bit his lip shyly as Jiyong scrutinized him, knowing that he must look like a total kid next to Jiyong’s admittedly small but well built body, barely noticeable but strangely masculine makeup, and sexy professionally styled hair. The older boy exuded strength and confidence, and even if he didn’t know about Jiyong’s already extensive experience in the industry, Seungri knew he would want to follow him. He was so taken by Jiyong that he barely even noticed Youngbae and the other Seunghyun standing on either side of the leader. 

Jiyong was silent for a long moment before turning to Youngbae. “What the hell am I supposed to do with  _ that _ ?” he sneered before turning and strutting out of the room.

Seungri felt his face crumple and quickly caught himself, plastering the smile back on, but even he could tell how fake it looked. He opened and closed his mouth a few times uncomfortably, trying to figure out what to do now but fortunately, Seunghyun came to his rescue, stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about Jiyongie,” he said. “He can be a diva sometimes, but he’ll come around.”

Youngbae nodded, smiling warmly at Seungri who tried to make himself look relieved. “Ji is certainly a character,” he agreed, “but he means well.”

 

That night, when Seungri was alone, he finally allowed himself to cry.

 

**********

 

Seungri had a strategy. He knew he didn’t belong here and he knew his talents paled compared to his hyungs’ but he figured if he  _ acted _ like he was right where he should be, people would believe it. Seungri had always been cocky and charismatic, and he knew that at least back at home, people were attracted to his lazy arrogance and charm, so even though everything here is Seoul had taken a huge toll on his confidence, he kept up the act. He maintained the swagger and attitude while replacing some of the missing confidence with a healthy dose of aegyo to complete the maknae image. Every morning while he was getting ready, he would grin at himself in the mirror, trying to convince himself that this wasn’t all just a mask.

His position in Bigbang was the most uncertain. Everyone knew it. Seungri wanted to be able to blame it on Jiyong. It had been months, but no matter what Seungri did, the leader still refused to even spare him a second glance. Sure, it seemed unfair to Seungri, but what did he know? Jiyong had been doing this for years and Seungri had just waltzed in at the last minute. He knew he had no right to complain. Jiyong didn’t owe him anything. 

He repeated it to himself every night like a prayer, over and over and over again, but he knew it wasn’t working. Intellectually, he knew that even if Jiyong loved him, his skills were still the least developed and sloppiest of the team. But emotionally, it still hurt like hell every time the instructor yelled at him or Yang disciplined him or Jiyong abruptly stopped talking when he walked into a room before leaning in to whisper darkly into Youngbae’s ear. Each day, he felt his resolve crumbling a bit more as he held in the pain and anger, desperately trying to keep his mask from slipping.

 

**********

 

It was a Wednesday when he finally snapped.

“This is hopeless. I’m leaving. I’ll be back on Friday and if it isn’t  _ absolutely perfect _ by then you all may as well kiss your idol dreams goodbye!” Seungri groaned as the instructor slammed the door behind him. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back to massage his stiff neck. His whole body ached and he could barely feel his feet at all. In just the last week he’d danced more than he’d ever danced in his entire life.

He jolted out of his stupor when Daesung nudged his side, cocking his head towards Youngbae who was heading towards the door. Daesung and Seungri tended to stick together since both of them felt a bit like outsiders with the older boys, and together had some sort of unspoken agreement that when in doubt, Youngbae was the hyung to follow. He had the patience of a saint and always made sure to set aside some time to check on the two younger ones. Personally, Seungri got along with Seunghyun the best, but he could tell that Daesung was still slightly afraid of the rough and wild rapper. And while Jiyong didn’t seem to have a problem with Daesung like he did with Seungri, he was still generally cold and aloof.

The two younger boys scampered down the hall after Youngbae who handed them each some water. 

“Cheer up,” he said, thumping Daesung on the back “We’ve come to far to lose hope now.”

Seungri knew where this was going as Daesung nodded solemnly and grabbed two more waters as an excuse to escape the inevitable “have faith, God is with us” conversation that Daesung and Youngbae liked to have. He quickly made his way back to the practice room but paused halfway into the room as he heard Jiyong’s shouting.

“--pathetic. Hasn’t he realized yet that I’m never going to want him here?”

_ He’s talking about me _ , Seungri realized.

“He doesn’t even add anything to the group!”

_ You think I don’t already fucking know that?! _ He thought bitterly. 

“Daesung can sing. Youngbae can dance. You can rap. What the fuck else is he good for? Why doesn’t he just fucking quit already!”

That was it. Seungri could feel the last bit of his composure breaking, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He stared at Jiyong, not even attempting his usual shy smile before looking down, unable to bear holding the leader’s gaze any longer. 

“I thought you might be tired so I brought these,” he finally said and then abruptly turned on his heels and stalked out of the room, not trusting himself to remain civil. His body was shaking with rage and, only adding to his frustration, hot tears were streaming down his cheeks.

“Fuck that guy,” Seungri muttered to himself, violently wiping his eyes with his sleeves. “He thinks he doesn’t need me? Well I’ll show him!” For the first time since he’d stepped foot into the YG building, Seungri felt something other that pain and exhaustion. All of the fatigue flew out of his body as he felt himself fill up with determination.

“I’ll have G-Dragon and everyone else begging for Victory.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol that was way more dramatic than I had anticipated... oh well.


	3. Seunghyun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick chapter from Seunghyun's POV

“You need to apologize,” Seunghyun said, knowing perfectly well that Jiyong wouldn’t listen. He sighed as the young leader continued to come up with excuses before shaking his head and following Seungri out the door.

He found the maknae down in the gym, viciously assaulting a punching bag. 

“Seungri,” Seunghyun called, but the boy was too focussed on his punches. “Oi, maknae!” Seunghyun gently grabbed Seungri by the shoulder, snapping him out of his trance.

“What do you--?!” Seungri started, spinning around angrily. “Oh, hyung, it’s you.” Seungri bowed his head in embarrassment, refusing to meet Seunghyun’s gaze. Seunghyun paused for a moment, regarding the boy as he tried to figure out what he should do.

“Come spot me,” he finally said, pulling off his hoodie so he was just wearing a white undershirt and walking towards the weights. Seungri relaxed, smiling slightly in gratitude and followed behind Seunghyun to help him. 

The two worked out together for a little over an hour before the fatigue became too much and they both sunk to the floor, panting heavily. Seunghyun groaned grumpily, laying his head in Seungri’s lap.

“Stupid maknae,” he complained. “Because of you I had to dance  _ and  _ work out today!”

Seungri chuckled. “Don’t we do that everyday anyways, hyung?”

“It’s still your fault,” Seunghyun grumbled, closing his eyes. For a good five minutes, they stayed like that, the only sound coming from their slowly evening breathing.

“I’m kidding myself, aren’t I, hyung?” Seungri mumbled, finally breaking the silence. Seunghyun sighed, sitting up to face the maknae who still refused to meet his eyes.

“Seungri, look at me,” Seunghyun demanded, and Seungri reluctantly lifted his gaze. “You are just as important to this team as any one of us,” Seunghyun continued firmly. “Jiyong has always had a stick up his ass, and he’s not used to people challenging him. He’s a control freak and a perfectionist, and in his imagined ‘perfect’ group, we  _ wouldn’t _ need you, but that’s just the thing, isn’t it? It’s an  _ imagined _ group. It’s not real. It never will be real. Because Jiyong is wrong. If we’re really going to make Bigbang the perfect group, we  _ need  _ you. We need your charisma, we need your charm, we need your voice, and we  _ especially _ need your attitude. Nobody is gonna be interested in another robotic, factory made boy band. Without you, that’s all we are. But with you, suddenly, Bigbang can become so much more. We won’t just be idols. We’ll be  _ people _ . And that’s how we’re gonna become the perfect group. By being imperfect. Perfect’s overrated anyways.”

“H-hyung…” Seungri started, trying to stop the tears from falling  _ again _ .

“No,” Seunghyun interrupted. “No more hiding your emotions. No more covering it all up with a smile. Jiyong was right. Daesung can sing. And Youngbae can dance. And I can rap. So maybe you won’t be the singer or the dancer or the rapper. But that doesn’t mean we don’t need you. We need you desperately. Because we need you to be the emotions of Bigbang.

And so finally, Seungri allowed the tears to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always appreciated <3


	4. Seungri

Seungri and Seunghyun spent the rest of the day going over their dance moves. It was frustrating and monotonous, but Seungri didn’t mind. It felt good to finally get out of his own head and just dance. Unfortunately, his hyung didn’t seem to feel the same.

“Dancing is stupid!” he shouted at the ceiling after tripping over his feet for the fourth time. “I’m a rapper! Why do I have to dance too!”

“You’re just too tense,” Seungri said, pausing the music. “If you would relax, you’d look more natural.”

“Easier said than done,” Seunghyun pouted. Seungri rolled his eyes.

“You’ve already got a good sense of rhythm! That’s half the battle,” he insisted, hitting play once again and nodding his head to the beat. Seunghyun shrugged as he instinctively began to tap his foot.

“Quit thinking about the moves,” Seungri continued, slowly relaxing his body more as he moved with the beat. “It’s all about the  _ feeling _ .” Now it was Seunghyun’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Oh, because I haven’t heard that piece of advice before.”

Seungri ignored him closing his eyes as he began to dance, allowing the music to curl around him like water, engulfing him in its current. “Stop trying. Stop thinking. Just _dance_.” Seunghyun sighed, but slowly began to relax into the beat,  swaying slightly as he watched the maknae move. Soon, he couldn’t help but join in, trying to match Seungri’s passion rather than his footwork. Seungri grinned as Seunghyun finally allowed himself to be swept away with the music.

 

**********

 

The two men didn’t stop dancing until a little past one in the morning when the cleaning crew arrived and kicked them out.

“I can’t believe you made me dance for so long,” Seunghyun complained, his head buried in Seungri’s shoulder in the back of the cab, but Seungri could feel his hyung’s grin. He giggled.

“Admit it, you had fun!”

“Never!” Seunghyun cried, laughing as well. He sat up, glancing at Seungri before adding softly, “But you’ll help me again tomorrow, right?”

Seungri felt his heart swell, proud that for once he was actually contributing to the group instead of holding it back. “Of course, hyung.”

 

**********

 

They arrived back at the dorms at two and softly bid each other goodnight before retiring to their respective bedrooms. Seungri crept as quietly as he could into his and Jiyong’s room before padding over to his side of the room and changing. He groaned quietly, rubbing his sore back before going into the bathroom to get ready for bed and then returning to his room.

“Where exactly do you think you were all evening?”

Seungri jumped, letting out an embarrassing squeak as Jiyong’s cold voice cut through the silence like a knife. He turned to face Jiyong, his expression hardening as the past day flowed through his mind.

_ Screw him _ , Seungri thought before responding in an equally cold tone. “I was out with Seunghyun hyung.” He moved to his side of the bed, ready to be done talking, but Jiyong continued.

“Well, you do know that just because we don’t have a teacher tomorrow doesn’t mean we’ll be sleeping in, right?”

Seungri frowned. “Yes, I know,” he snapped, turning away from Jiyong.

“I know,  _ hyung _ , Jiyong corrected, and that was it. Seungri had never wanted to punch someone so badly in his life, but he knew that there was no way he’d be able to get away with that, so instead, he stood up, fists clenched and stalked towards the door.

“I’ll sleep with Seunghyun hyung tonight.” But just as Seungri was closing the door behind him, Jiyong spoke again.

“Fine, everyone already knows you’re his bitch anyways!”

Seungri spun around to face Jiyong again in absolute shock, his eyes filling with hot, angry tears. Ji’s face was still cold, but his eyes widened slightly as though he hadn’t intended to actually speak. Seungri opened his mouth, closed it, and then turned to flee the room as he felt tears begin to fall for what felt like the thousandth time that day. He barely even remembered how he got there but the next thing he knew he was in Seunghyun’s room, lying stiffly next to his hyung who was rubbing soothing circles in his back, brow furrowed with worry.

“Fuck him,” Seungri muttered, his entire body shaking. He wasn’t even sure if it was with rage or humiliation. “Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him…” Seunghyun stayed quiet the entire time, just listening as Seungri finally exhausted himself into a restless sleep.

 

**********

 

Seungri awoke early the next morning, before even the birds began their incessant chirping. The only sound in the entire dorm were Seunghyun’s rumbling snores. He hadn’t expected it to make such a difference but it had been nearly impossible for him to get comfortable in the unfamiliar bed. Vaguely, Seungri wondered if it was because it was the wrong location or the wrong partner, but he quickly pushed the thought away.

“I’m nobody’s bitch,” he grumbled to himself, quietly getting out of bed and heading towards the kitchen to get some breakfast. He figured he might as well get an early start since he’d probably have to sacrifice most of his own practice time helping Seunghyun.

The empty kitchen unnerved Seungri. Unlike Jiyong, he wasn’t used to being the only one awake, and the eerie silence made him uncomfortable. He could hear his thoughts annoyingly loudly.

_ How does Ji do this every day _ , he wondered.  _ I think I’d go crazy if I was alone this often…  _

He was about halfway through his bowl of cereal when Jiyong slipped into the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets, but Seungri was too lost in his own thoughts to notice.

“I’ll show them all,” he muttered, trying to fill the silence by talking to himself, startling Jiyong who hadn’t realized he wasn’t alone. Ji’s bowl clattered down to the ground as the leader jumped in fright and Seungri stood quickly, startled as well. His eyes landed on Jiyong and he tensed, preparing himself for another fight.

_ I’m not gonna run this time _ , Seungri promised himself.  _ It’s time to fight back. I’m nobody’s bitch! _ He reminded himself. But to his surprise, Jiyong lowered his gaze, biting his lip and staring down at his own feet. Seungri paused, finally taking a moment to really look at the leader. Jiyong’s hair was sticking out in every direction and his baggy t-shirt was totally wrinkled, which was certainly a sight to behold for Seungri who had only ever seen his hyung completely dolled up and put together. Even after hours of practice, Jiyong still always managed to look like an idol, while Seungri was left a panting, sweaty puddle on the ground. But now, for the first time, Jiyong looked  _ human _ . He thought that he should feel triumphant, finally seeing a raw Jiyong, but actually, he was just uncomfortable. Suddenly, Jiyong didn’t seem like the all-powerful, confident, almost  _ god like _ individual who, Seungri would begrudgingly admit, he’d come to almost idolize. No, now, Jiyong just looked like a boy. A lonely, stressed out, sleep deprived boy caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. And for some reason, seeing this side of Jiyong only made Seungri feel  _ more  _ attracted to the leader, confusing and pissing him off even more than he already was. Finally, Jiyong broke the silence.

“Is it on tonight?” he asked softly.

Seungri paused, surprise evident on his face as he tried to figure out what the hell Jiyong was talking about. Ji gestured awkwardly towards the television in the other room and Seungri frowned in confusion as he realized he was asking about  _ Princess Hours _ and slowly said, “Yes, hyung, it’s on tonight at 9:55.”

Jiyong nodded uncomfortably and Seungri started to move towards the door to escape the suffocating tension in the room when Jiyong spoke again. “I’ll find someone at the studio who recorded yesterday’s so you can catch up before the new episode.” With that he stood and strode purposefully out of the kitchen and back into his room, Seungri staring after him in disbelief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience with my updates! Comments always help inspire me to continue writing :D


	5. Jiyong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait! Life has been all over the place! Hopefully this next chapter will make it better :-D

“I’ll find someone at the studio who recorded yesterday’s so you can catch up before the new episode.”

Jiyong slowly slid back into his room, mentally cringing. Why had he been so  _ awkward _ ? He groaned, locking himself in the bathroom to make himself up now that he knew he wasn’t the only one up like usual. He tried to get back to his regular morning routine, making a mental list of everything they’d done yesterday and everything they needed to do today, but his mind kept wandering back to Seungri. The maknae had looked different this morning. The dark circles under his eyes seemed especially pronounced and his brow was furrowed as he glared at his cereal, almost making him look like a grumpy little panda.

_ Cute _ , Jiyong thought before abruptly refocusing on his schedule.  _ Come on Ji, get it together _ .

 

**********

 

Once they arrived back at the office, Jiyong instructed his members to take two hours to practice on their own. He went down to the gym, blasting music through his headphones as he turned on the treadmill, trying to silence his thoughts.

After an hour and a half, he rinsed off in the bathroom before heading back to the dance studio to check on the others. Still engrossed in his music, he didn’t notice the elevator doors had opened until he was startled by a tap on his shoulder.

“Earth to Jiyong,” a familiar voice laughed. Jiyong quickly pulled out his earbuds.

“Teddy hyung!” he greeted, bowing respectfully.

Teddy grinned. “Boss is working you harder than ever, I see,” he said, eying the bags under Jiyong’s eyes.

Jiyong smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “I knew what I was getting myself into.”

Teddy nodded. “You’re still getting at least  _ some _ time to rest though, aren’t you?”

“Of course!” Jiyong said hastily. “I still get to watch  _ Princess Hours  _ twice a week after all!”

“Good.”

“Speaking of which,” he added, “any chance you might be able to get your hands on a copy of last night’s episode? Seungri missed it.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” said Teddy as the elevator doors slid open again and Jiyong turned to leave. “Catch you later, G-Dragon!”

 

**********

 

The rest of the day found Jiyong barking orders and demonstrating dance moves over and over again. One of Teddy’s assistants delivered the dvd at noon, so he decided they could stop for lunch. He and Seungri spent the next hour in a break room rewatching the episode. Well, Seungri spent the hour watching the episode. Jiyong spent most of the hour watching Seungri.

_ What the hell is wrong with me _ , Jiyong thought as he found himself again mesmerized by the subtle changes in Seungri’s expression as the episode progressed. His eyes would crinkle with mirth as Chae Kyeong made a food of herself and then his lips would pucker into a pout when Lee Shin hurt her again. Seungri didn’t look at Jiyong even once.

  
  


**********

 

Jiyong made sure everyone was up at the crack of dawn on Friday. They still hadn’t managed to put the whole dance together, and he was terrified that this could be the end. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was worried that Seunghyun wouldn’t be able to keep up.

The dance instructor always arrived promptly at ten am, and Jiyong wanted them to warm up for a solid three hours first. Even Seungri knew better than to complain when the leader woke everyone up at five.

Seunghyun and Seungri spent the entire ride to the studio pressed together in the back of the van, whispering to one another. For some reason, it pissed Jiyong off.

The five boys tiredly trudged into the studio and froze in shock. Already waiting for them in the center of the room was YG himself.

 

**********

 

“President Yang!” Jiyong cried, bowing deeply. The other members quickly followed his lead, trying to mask their fear as they greeted their boss.

“Good morning, boys,” Yang replied. “I’m sure you must be wondering why I’m here this morning. “ He paused just long enough for the silence to become uncomfortable before he continued. “Your teacher has informed me that your rehearsals have been going… less than smoothly.” Jiyong bowed his head in shame.

“ I’m very sorry sir. We promise to work even harder than ever leading up to our debut.”

“We shall see,” Yang said cryptically. “I will be back at four o'clock. Do not disappoint me, Jiyong.” Ji bowed again as Yang turned on his heels and strode out of the room. After another moment of silence, Jiyong stalked straight through the practice room and locked himself in the recording studio. The door opened again just in time for Youngbae to watch as Jiyong slammed his fist into the wall, crying out in pain as his knuckles collided with the concrete.

“Ji!” Youngbae scolded, quickly rushing forward to hold his leader back. “Stop it! You’re going to hurt yourself!” Jiyong sunk to the floor in defeat. It was all just too much. They had made it so far. He was so close to reaching his dreams, he could almost touch it.. It was like it was taunting him, allowing him a quick taste as it brushed against his outstretched fingers before it slipped just out of reach again.

“Jiyong, talk to me,” Youngbae tried again, worry evident in his voice.

“What are we doing, Youngbae?” he whispered. “I mean really, why are we doing this? What’ll happen if we even manage to debut? We get what, two years of fame, maybe three if we’re lucky?”

“Jiyong, this isn’t like you,” Youngbae said. “You’re our fearless leader, remember?”

“But that’s just it!” Ji cried. “I’m not! I’m not fearless! I’m not invincible! How can I possibly lead us to victory when I barely even believe in myself?!”

“You don’t get it Ji!” Youngbae insisted. “That’s what makes you our fearless leader! You keep pushing us further and further, forcing us to keep on improving even though you know it’s a longshot. You refuse to let that stop you! You face each obstacle like a warrior charging into battle. You know that you might be staring death in the eye, but you still don’t back down! With you at our head, we’re brave enough to try because we’re brave enough to fail.” Youngbae pushed the studio door open, gesturing at the other three members who were already sweating heavily as they danced, even without their leader. “Do you see that?  _ You did that.  _ Let  _ them  _ be your confidence. Because  _ they  _ believe in you. They  _ respect  _ you. They want to succeed for  _ you _ . You’re not in this alone, Jiyong. You don’t have to be strong all by yourself. Let us be strong for you. You may be our leader, but we’re still a team. Don’t forget that.” And with that, Youngbae slid out of the recording studio to practice with the others, leaving Ji alone with his thoughts yet again. 

Jiyong let out a shaky breath. Youngbae was right. They  _ were _ a team. But at the end of the day, they were still his responsibility. Yang expected  _ him _ to prepare them for debut, honing them into a professional group. But maybe he could afford to lean on them a bit too…

Jiyong took another half hour to calm his spinning head before reentering the practice room, embarrassed. He had made a total fool of himself with his emotional outburst. But instead of gawking at him accusingly like he had expected, his members just kept on practicing. In fact, the response to his presence was a wink from Youngbae and a thumbs up from Seunghyun during a pause in the music. Ji smiled as Seunghyun’s face immediately smoothed over in concentration and he repeated a spin in the mirror again and again, each one nearly flawless. His heart swelled as he observed Seungri and Daesung practicing their synchronized duet, Daesung’s eyes blazing with determination and Seungri biting his lip with effort. He laughed as he watched Youngbae smoldering at his own reflection in the mirror as his body rolled fluidly with the beat. 

_ Maybe there’s some hope for us yet,  _ he thought before clapping his hands together, signalling to the others to stop and await his next instruction.

 

**********

 

At two, Ji finally turned off the music. The room was damp and smelly, filled with sweat from the five boys who had danced nonstop for seven hours. 

“Go get something to eat,” he said. “We’ll meet back here at 3:30 for one last warm up before our test. Seunghyun, wait up a moment.” Seunghyun groaned as he leaned against the mirror. Ji sighed as he waited for the others to file out of the room. 

“Do you think you’re gonna be able to keep up,” he finally asked quietly. He was worried about his hyung. Admittedly, Seunghyun’s moves were infinitely smoother today, and while he was amazed at the progress, he worried that it hadn’t been enough time to solidify and that once they were dancing in front of YG, he would freeze up again. Jiyong was pleased that his hyung didn’t hang his head in defeat, but instead met his eyes with fiery determination swirling in his eyes.

“I know I am,” he declared. Ji grinned, slapping Seunghyun on the back.

“That’s what I like to hear!” he exclaimed. “Now come on, let’s go get some food.”

Seunghyun’s grin became sheepish. “Actually, I promised Seungri I’d meet up with him,” he admitted.

“Oh,” Ji replied lamely. “Well, uh, have fun then I guess.” He hurried out of the room without waiting for Seunghyun’s response, not wanting to be on the receiving end of his friend’s pitying gaze any longer. 

 

**********

 

At 4 on the dot, YG returned, but for half an hour, he didn’t speak, holding up a hand when Ji tried to greet him, and instead just observed the rehearsal. Jiyong tried to bury his nerves, continuing like normal and ignoring YG’s characteristically blank gaze. He forced himself not to panic as his member’s moves became sloppy with anxiety and instead quickly asked Youngbae to work through Seunghyun’s section with him and Seungri to work through Dae’s with him. It probably would have made more sense to pair Seungri with Seunghyun since their parts for this particular dance was very similar, and Ji had no real reason to separate them, but for some reason, the idea of the two of them together made him feel slightly nauseous. He tucked that into the back of his head to analyze later, but for the time being, he knew he needed to stay completely focussed. 

Finally, when Ji was sure he would crack under the pressure, Yang cleared his throat. Mentally thanking any god that might be listening, Jiyong stopped the music and turned to his boss. 

“You’ve clearly been working hard,” Yang said with a hint of approval in his eyes before masking his emotions again. “But before you’re in the clear, I need to see your group number from start to finish. Include each individual solo.” Ji nodded, and moved to turn the music back on when the door opened again and three men walked in, two of them carrying large cameras. Seunghyun paled.

“Oh and did I mention that we will be live recording this?” Yang added nastily. He turned towards one of the cameras. “Good afternoon. As many of you are aware, the new idol group Big Bang is scheduled to debut…” 

As YG continued introducing the group on camera, Jiyong slid toward Seunghyun to help calm down his childhood friend but stopped abruptly when he realized that Seungri had already snuck next to the older boy and was whispering to him. For some reason, Jiyong felt his stomach churn uncomfortably as the two boys began giggling quietly. But there wasn’t time to do anything else, because at that moment, Yang turned back to the group, raising his eyebrow expectantly. Jiyong took a deep breath, forcing himself to clear his mind before starting the music. Immediately, the boys found their positions and began to dance. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and he moved with the music, seamlessly coordinating with the others. As his solo approached, he felt the tell-tale switch in his head from Kwon Jiyong to G-Dragon and he looked straight into the camera with a smirk. The other members moved into the background as he strutted toward the camera, licking his lips and thrusting his hips forward. He mouthed along with the song as he finished his section, dramatically falling to the ground and moving out of the way as Youngbae, now in Taeyang mode, glided into the foreground for his solo. He held his breath when Seunghyun’s part came, and felt a rush of pride as his hyung swaggered right up to the camera, hips swaying perfectly. His eyes were completely cold and he snapped his pelvis forward in a move that would make even the most controlled girls swoon. But before Ji could be swept away with relief, Seungri’s solo began, and every single thought left Jiyong’s head as he fought to maintain his expression. The maknae stalked forward, grinning wickedly and circling the camera like a predator hunting its prey. He threw his head back and slowly rotated his hips, grinding up against nothing and Jiyong licked his lips as a rush of heat shot straight through his cock. He almost groaned aloud as Seungri rubbed his hands up and down his body before sending a sexy smirk at the camera and strutting back to the group, getting out of the way for Daesung, be for the final section of the dance. Jiyong forced himself to stay focussed on the music and on the pressure of the situation, willing his hormones to get a hold of themselves. Finally, the music stopped and the five boys held their final pose before moving back into a line, not allowing themselves to relax just yet.

“I have to admit,” YG said slowly. “I’m impressed.” The five members finally sighed, their faces breaking into huge grins. “I’m sure the fans are going to be even more excited now in anticipation for your debut. Jiyong, keep doing what you’re doing. One good performance doesn’t mean you get to stop now.” And with that, YG and the camera crew left. The boys stared at each other in shocked silence for a solid minute before Seunghyun suddenly burst out laughing. Youngbae chuckled, Daesung giggled, and soon, they were all wheezing hysterically.

“That was the most anticlimactic test we’ve had yet,” Seunghyun gasped between laughs. Jiyong shook his head, laughing along as he tried to comprehend what had just happened. As they piled into the van to return to the dorms, he sobered up and remembered it.

_ I got a hard on for Seungri _ , he realized in horror.   

When they returned home, Jiyong went straight into his room without a word, swallowed three sleeping pills, and immediately passed out in bed. He didn’t even stir when Seungri stumbled in drunkenly four hours later at half past two.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments inspire me to keep writing! <3


	6. Seungri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungri and Seunghyun celebrate their success.

As soon as YG was gone, the five boys, dripping in sweat, fell to the floor in incredulous relief. Seungri didn’t think he’d ever danced so much in his life. For the past few days, he and TOP hyung had stayed at the studio past midnight each night to make sure Seunghyun got his part down. (Although Seungri had stopped by the dorm on Thursday evening to watch _Princess_ _Hours_ with Ji before returning to the studio yet again). Between that and their daily practices, Seunghyun had finally mastered the dance, but Seungri still wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do it with the pressure of the CEO’s unexpected visit. But they’d gotten through it, and even through his exhaustion, Seungri could feel his heart filling with pride for his hyung. Seunghyun, grinning widely, plopped down as well, resting his head on Seungri’s stomach.

“I can’t believe we did it,” he said. “There’s no way I coulda done it without you, Ri.”

Seungri blushed. “Yeah right,” he said, embarrassed.

“I’m serious!!” Seunghyun insisted. “You’re a lifesaver, man. I’m buying you a drink tonight!”

Seungri sat up in surprise. “Hyung!! You know I’m underage!”

Seunghyun winked, leaning in to Seungri’s ear and whispering, “I won’t tell if you don’t.” He stood up quickly, pulling Seungri up with him, before turning to talk to the rest of the group. “Maknae and I have a date. Don’t wait up.” Seungri’s blush, which had just started to die down, came back in full force as he spluttered dumbly at Seunghyun. Seunghyun smirked, grabbing Seungri’s hand and pulling him outside and into a cab.

“Why’d you call it a date!” Seungri cried once the door was shut.

Seunghyun laughed. “Because I wanted to see the look on Jiyongie’s face if I did.”

Seungri frowned. “What? What do you mean?” Seunghyun just grinned, shaking his head.

 

**********

 

“Hyuuuuunng” Seungri slurred, wobbling slightly in his seat “Why is Jiyong hyung so  _ hot? _ ”

Seunghyun let out an embarrassing giggle and poked Seungri’s nose. “Why’re you so  _ cute _ ?” he shot back.

“Why can’t he be nice to me like you?” Seungri babbled on, ignoring Seunghyun who was smiling dopily and poking Seungri all over his face.

The cab stopped in front of the dorms and the two men stumbled out, somehow managing to pay the driver with Seungri still whining and Seunghyun still giggling.

“Quit complaining Maknae!” Seunghyun scolded as they plodded into the living room, slamming the door behind them. He reached towards Seungri again, grinning stupidly and pinched his cheeks. “You’re too cute to complain. It’ll ruin your face.”

“Stop it!” Seungri giggled, trying to escape Seunghyun’s grip only to trip over his own feet, toppling down onto the couch and pulling Seunghyun down with him. They stared at each other for a moment, eyes wide, before erupting into laughter. Seunghyun buried his face in the maknaes neck, tears of mirth streaming down his cheeks. In his drunken state, Seungri decided it would be a good idea to grab Seunghyun’s ass, squeezing it playfully. Seunghyun jerked forward slightly in shock, and Seungri giggled, squeezing again. Seunghyun growled, grinding his hips into Seungri’s, causing Seungri to hiss as their jeans rolled together. Seunghyun looked up, and Seungri gulped, breath speeding up as he saw the lust pooling in his normally goofy hyung’s eyes. 

“So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?” Seunghyun muttered huskily, his voice dropping, and try as he might, Seungri could not stop the soft moan that escaped his lips. Seunghyun smirked and moved back into Seungri’s neck, biting down on the exposed skin as Seungri arched up toward him. He groaned as Seunghyun began sucking at the skin and desperately rolled his hips, trying to provide relief for his hardening cock. He shivered with pleasure as he felt Seunghyun’s own erection pressing into him through their jeans before reaching down to pull at Seunghyun’s waistband. Seunghyun lifted his hips slightly to allow Seungri to strip him while still remaining latched onto his neck. Once his pants were down, he pulled away from Seungri, pulling his shirt over his head while Seungri stripped as quickly as he could, panting heavily. Seunghyun peeled away his boxers, groaning loudly in relief as his cock was finally freed. Seungri’s eyes widened and his mouth watered as he gazed hungrily at Seunghyun’s impressively long erection. He lunged forward, unable to stop himself from taking it into his mouth. Seunghyun’s hips jolted forward and Seungri gagged, but recovered quickly when he glanced up and was blessed by the view of a completely naked Seunghyun, eyes squeezed shut and mouth open wide, breathing heavily as he tried to keep his hips still. Seungri pulled away with a lewd pop and smirked up at Seunghyun.

“Don’t hold back on me, hyung,” he taunted before wrapping his lips around Seunghyun’s cock again. Seunghyun’s eyes flew open and he met Seungri’s gaze, smirking slightly at his maknae’s pink cheeks and blown pupils before thrusting into his mouth  _ hard _ . Seungri relaxed his throat, closing his eyes to savor the taste as Seunghyun ruthlessly fucked his mouth. 

“Fuck yeah, you like that baby?” Seunghyun panted and Seungri moaned around his length. Seunghyun threw his head back, overcome by pleasure as his thrusts became more and more desperate. Seungri reached his hand down and tugged at his own erection, trying to match Seunghyun’s pace. Seunghyun growled, slapping his hand away and replacing it with his own, and Seungri moaned around Seunghyun’s cock again, jerking his hips to meet Seunghyun’s hand. 

“Shit, Seungri, you’re mouth feels so fucking good,” Seunghyun gasped. “If you don’t want a mouthful of cum I’d suggest you-”

Seungri hummed and loosened his jaw, taking Seunghyun even further down his throat and Seunghyun’s hips buckled, his hand squeezing around Seungri’s cock and moaned his name as he spilled into Seungri’s mouth. Hearing Seunghyun growl out his name was the most erotic thing he’d ever experienced, and he felt his own cock spasm in Seunghyun’s hand as he came only seconds later. They lay there for a few moments trying to catch their breath before Seunghyun slowly stood, grabbing a cloth to clean them up. 

“That was really fucking hot,” he mumbled as he wiped off his hands.

Seungri smiled sleepily. “You can say that again. But you better not go falling in love with me!” Seunghyun laughed and reached out a hand to help Seungri up.

“You’d be so lucky,” he teased. “But that being said, if you’re ever horny enough or drunk enough, you know where to find me.” He winked and swaggered off to his bedroom. Seungri rolled his eyes and retreated to his own room and almost instantly collapsing into bed and falling asleep.


End file.
